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On This Day

I (barely) Survived Snownami ‘05

It has been almost 5 days without a sign or trace of me—where have I been? Stuck in snow!

On Saturday morning I went to the post office, but instead of returning home immediately, I decided to play in the snow, the grown up way….with an automobile. My mindset while driving in the 5 inches of snow (at the time) was, “This car is a front wheel drive car with new tires, there’s no way that I can get stuck in snow!” About 13 milliseconds after I completed that thought, I turned my steering wheel all the way to the left, but the car went straight. Snow: 1, Geremy: 0

But that was just the beginning.

The brakes didn’t seem to stop the car, so I came inches away from plowing into the car in front of me dozens of times. To add to “wonderful” experience that I was having in the car, the heat never seemed to come on, which meant that both outside and inside of the car were negative one hundred and twelve degrees fahrenheit. Snow: 24, Geremy: 0

After driving for 1/2 hour and seeing my life flash before my eyes at a least half a million times, I finally got back home, where I parked my car and have been snowed in ever since. Snow: 500,024, Geremy: 0.

…but I only wanted a six pack

Early last week I joined a gym and Friday was my first workout. I didn’t join because I want to make people quiver at the sight of my muscular physique, I joined because I’ve had this on my list of things to do since ‘96 and procrastination can only go so far.

I went into the gym at 9:30 and a trainer, I think his name was Bif or Sid or one of those other “strongman” names, wanted to have a talk with me. After entering his office, he asked me what I would like to accomplish by coming to the gym. Without even taking a second to think about the question, I looked at him and said “I want a six pack” The 200 pound mass of pure muscle quickly snapped back by saying, “NO!”

Wait…I can’t get a six pack?!

He went on to try to convince me that there’s more to someone than just a six pack. “Don’t you think that you’d look strange if you had a six pack on the front, but you had fat hanging off the sides?” “Nope.” “You don’t think that you’d look lopsided?” “Nah.” “What if you have the six pack, but your arms are weak?” “Don’t care.” I didn’t budge.

Even though I only wanted a fit chest region, Bif (or Sid) wouldn’t allow me to get that. He took out a sheet of paper that listed of the different muscles that I’ll be working out 2 times a week. He then took me from machine to machine to show me my new routine.

When I am a curvy, lumpy muscle blob, I’ll have him to thank….but I only wanted a six pack.