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On This Day

Nurse Evil Makes an Appearance

After putting off this appointment for about 2 months, I have finally decided to get my blood work done and I am very lucky that my vein is still intact…or is it?

I drove to the lab and sat in the waiting room for about 10 minutes, then I was finally called into the room. I sat in the room with a smile on my face (because I’m a happy person) as I waited for someone to come take my blood. All of a sudden, the lights dimmed, the room got cold, and thunder shook the earthas NURSE EVIL entered the room—-NURSE EVIL FROM MY LAST BLOOD ESCAPADE.

Nurse evil must’ve visited my site and read about herself because she gave an evil little “bwahahaha” under her breath as she reached into the drawer and got the longest, fattest, double barrel, needle outfitted with a 2 liter blood canister. I reached into my pocket to get my cameraphone to snap some last images of myself because I was positive that this nurse had every intent to suck out every last ounce of blood from my body, but I stupidly left my phone in the car.

The nurse jabbed the needle into my arm and pushed, and pushed, and pushed until I felt the tip of the needle touch my shoulder bone. All of a sudden, she pulled out the needle halfway, turned it 20 degrees clockwise and pushed, and pushed, and pushed. When I thought that the worst of the experience was over, Nurse Evil started to make 360 degree turns with the needle—poking in every direction. I looked to my arm and I saw my veins in knots inside of my arm.

When I asked the nurse what she was doing, her excuse was “I can’t find your vein.” Since I was too much in pain to speak anymore, I couldn’t tell her “LET GO OF THE NEEDLE! IT’LL HURT A LOT LESS IF I JUST CHOP OFF MY ARM,” which was actually what was on my mind.

A few minutes later, she finally found a vein that she liked and she juiced it for every ounce of blood in it. She put a cotton swab over the dime sized hole that she created in my arm, then she sent me on my way.

My second rendezvous with Nurse Evil came to an end.

Scoreboard:
Nurse Evil: 2
Geremy: 0
Geremy’s Veins: -2,000,000

P.S: Forgive me if I sound bitter—I’m still shaken up.

Tooth-Trauma

After many bad experiences with my last dentist I decided to take the plunge and switch dentists. This “event” occurred 2 weeks ago, but because of all of the trauma and distress that I experienced, I had to wait 2 weeks to calm my nerves to write about it.

I walked into the dentist and let them know that I was interested in becoming a patient and that I would need an appointment for a checkup and a cleaning. The secretary looked into her “BIG-BOOK-OF-APPOINTMENTS” and asked, “how’s two o’clock?” This thing was going way better than I thought!!! I was able to secure an appointment the same day.

Three hours later, I went back to the dentist for the appointment and the dentist’s assistant took me in the room to take x-rays. After the x-rays, she began to clean my teeth, but her method was a little bit unorthodox. Instead of using the sharp poking thing to clean each tooth, she ripped every single tooth out my mouth and cleaned it while she held it in her hand. Well, I’m not exactly sure what she did, because I was too busy bleeding to notice.

Just when I thought the painful experience was over, she took out a piece of floss.

………dramatic pause………

She passed the floss down one side of the tooth, then brought it up on the other side of the tooth. HOW WAS THAT POSSIBLE?!

Was it over?? Not at all—it was just beginning!

Now, this woman has caused severe emotional and physical damage to me by using a sharp poking thing and a piece of dental floss, so when she pulled out a drill, I feared for my life. She put a buffing bit at the tip of the drill to polish my teeth, but with every whirr of the drill, I felt more and more of my teeth’s enamel being scraped off.

When the appointment was over and I got out of the chair, all of my teeth fell out of my mouth onto the floor of the office. Instead of asking her to fix it for me, I just stuck them all into my pocket and glued them back in using crazy glue when I got home.

That’s EXACTLY how the appointment went!