She Graduated While I Suffered

On Saturday, I spent 5 hours of my life (that I will never get back) at my sister’s college graduation. After 4 years of college and hundreds of thousands of dollars, she finally has a bachelors degree.

Rather than being proud of her for graduating college, I am proud of myself for getting out of that place alive. During the LONG ceremony, I lost my pulse 9 times and watched as the sun cooked my left foot and right arm.

The most eventful thing that happened during the ceremony was when a disgruntled student grabbed the microphone to protest about the many injustices that she faced while attending the school for four years. I was tempted to grab the microphone to speak about MY injustice by having to sit in the same chair for 5 hours to listen to the thousands of names read aloud one….by….one.

I’m looking forward to graduating, but I’m not looking forward to my graduation. Lord help me.

The Wrath of Thor-x

If you imagine the grueling pain associated with being awakened by the bright light shining from 10 million candles, you’ll know how I felt the morning of May 10, 2005.

Someone in my family decided that it would be funny to take the biggest, brightest flashlight/searchlight that we owned (named “Thor-x”) and beam it directly in the path of my sleeping eyes at 7 in the morning. Why would someone interrupt my sweet, sweet sleep to see me wake up with a look of misery on my face?! I can’t justify the actions of the person who did it, but one thing is for sure, OPERATION: RETALIATION is in effect!