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SHE’S TWO!

Today marks the 2nd year since Geremology.com has been overhauled. Only 14 more years until it gets its own episode of “My Super Sweet Sixteen” on MTV. Happy Birthday, Geremology.com.

The festivities will take place in the near future. Look out for the party invitations.

Kid tested, Geremy approved

My goal for this upcoming school year, which starts on September 7, is to get a 4.0 gpa (which shouldn’t be tough since I’m a genius). In order to achieve this goal, I had to look back at what prevented me from getting a 4.0 gpa in the past. After days of intense research, I’ve discovered that the only thing that caused me to fall short was stress. I researched deeper and ran several N.S.T.A.A.N.T.* tests to identify what was causing the stress, and all signs pointed to my shoulders.

Old Bookbag
Since starting to attend college in September of 2003, I’ve had the same $2 Old Navy bag….literally, it was $2 and on the sale rack. The bag is barely big enough for 3 college textbooks. Imagine my struggle with trying to stuff 4 classes worth of textbooks and their accompanying notebooks into my bag, along with my laptop, PDA, folders, utensils, binder, and other minor things. It was tough.

Old Bookbag pocket
As if this nightmare wasn’t bad enough, the bag had almost no padding in the shoulder straps. The Old Navy bookbag manufacturing plant must’ve had 1 spool of cotton to share among the 2 million bookbags, which meant 1 cubic inch of padding per bag. When I had to walk from one end of the campus to the next, the straps would saw into my shoulders like two razor-sharp daggers attached to a three ton bag of rocks. I endured it all for 2 years without ever complaining…until now, of course.

Inside Old Bookbag
I blame the bag for my mediocre academic career because I believe that it has caused me to be a slacker. I hated carrying the load while walking (and sometimes running) to class, so I started to leave my books either at home or in my car. I was essentially wasting my $30,000+/year college education, but if that meant preserving the skin and bones in and around my shoulder, then that was the price that I was willing to pay (on behalf of my parents).

NEW bookbag
After two painful years, I learned my lesson the hard way and decided that the key to a perfect academic record is a good bookbag. Yesterday, I set out with my little brother in search of the perfect bookbag. Money wasn’t an issue (as long as it was under 30g’s) so any bookbag was a viable option. We went to about 8 different stores, then we came up on my newest gem—my “Samsonite Ice” bookbag. It was big enough, had adequate padding, and my brother approved of it (after packing it with stuff and walking around the store), so I bought it. No more $2 Old Navy short person backpack!

Pocket of NEW bookbag

Now I’ve accomplished two feats: 1) I’ve finally found the perfect bookbag that holds the key to my perfect academic career, and 2) I’ve published the longest backpack related entry that I’ve ever seen online.

N.S.T.A.A.N.T.= No Such Thing As A Nstaant Test

Road Trip Day # 3

Current Location: Conyers, GA
States Covered: GA
Brief Summary: My name is Geremy and I am irresponsible. We had a good night and morning on Sullivan’s Island and when the time came for us to leave my dad had one request: “Let me see the Google Earth program.” I took out my laptop and let him use it, but I neglected to put it back into my bag when he was finished. For that reason, my laptop is stranded on Sullivan’s island and I cannot load my digital camera’s pictures on it.

The worst part of the situation is that the itinerary for the trip is saved on Microsoft Word on the computer and I don’t have a printout of it.

We made it to Conyers, GA without incident and spent the night there, but now what? I can’t launch Google Earth to see our next potential destination, I can’t call our next hotel to find out if there are any vacancies, I can’t find any sites in the area, I CAN’T DO ANYTHING.

So here I am, typing an entry with the miniscule keys of the T-Mobile Sidekick. Hopefully my digital camera’s memory card won’t fill up. Hopefully we will get to where we have to be. Hopefully I will get my laptop back.

Keep my laptop in your prayers.
(So much for the “brief” summary)

Road Trip Day # 2

nothamap

Current Location: Sullivan’s Island in SC
States Covered: NC, SC
Brief Summary: We spent the entire day driving from Virginia to North Carolina, where we stopped to visit some people, then to South Carolina, where there are many LONG deserted roads. Right now we are on “Sullivan’s Island” in a residential vacationing home, where I am stealing a wireless connection from the next door neighbors.

Pictures:

Poverty House

Driving on the Sidewalk

Running Backwards

Delivery Man

Fender Bender

Fenderbender

Jaws

Planet Hollywood

Random Van

Bee

Beginning of the Family Roadtrip

In about 2 hours I will be leaving on a 9 day road trip with my family. I am pretty clueless about the entire situation so I can’t give any details right now, but all I know is that we’re starting in NJ and ending in FL.

I’ll have my sidekick 2 with me, so stay tuned for pictures of things that I encounter on the way. As long as my sidekick has service and/or my laptop can find a wireless signal, I will be updating this site.

LET THE TRIP BEGIN!

Road Trip Day # 1

Current Location

Current Location: Springhill Suites in VA
States Covered: NJ, DE, MD, VA
Brief summary:

We left home around 10 and hopped on the highway with my navigation system as our guide. After a brief stop in Washington DC to see the sites, we found a hotel in Virginia with free high-speed internet access.

Pictures: (visit flickr for the full experience WITH captions)

Jordan with his money

Bridge

EZ Pass

Water

MBNA

Obligatory picture of me

Washington Monument

Washington Memorial

Faulty Scooter

Gas

Gas

Curbside Pickup

Laptopping in the hotel

Springhill Suites

‘05 Upstate Retreat- Days 2-5

Now that I think about last week, there is nothing worth mentioning, so I will summarize the week with a few succinct statements.

– I spent most of the week reading my newest book, “Copy This” – On my birthday my sister made me drive 5 miles away to buy pizza for her friends with my own money – My birthday wasn’t anything special… at all. – On my birthday I got 5 gifts—two identical refrigerator magnets, a can of peanuts, a fitted hat, and money – I got over 20 mosquito bites and they HURT. – I let 5 teenage boys stay in my room on the last day and I had to beat 3 of them with a belt because 1 kid wouldn’t stop saying, “I WANT MOMMY’S MILK” and the other 2 kids wouldn’t stop talking.

Here are some random photos from the week:

Geremy

Campbell Farm

Bridge

Hay Wheels

Messed up Mailbox

Baby Crying

Flashback to 1993

Flashback to 1993:
My family moved from Paterson to Orange because my dad got a new job. I thought that we were rich because we owned a custom van and my sister and I had a bunk bed, but we were still poor. Moving meant different school district, and different school district meant new teacher, and new teacher meant Ms. Davis, and Ms. Davis meant pain.

Miss Davis completely disregarded the teacher’s handbook and she acted more like a mom, rather than a teacher. Miss Davis always spanked me with a meter stick all the time, not because I was a troublemaker, but because (as she announced in front of the class) she “didn’t want me to turn out like the other bad kids in the class.” I never understood that logic, but I took every lash like Kunta Kint…..ummm….I mean Toby.

One day Miss Davis was teaching the class Math, but instead of paying attention, I imagined that my chair was a spaceship. After a while, my imagination got out of control and I was making loud sound effects while shaking my chair.

“Stop it, Geremy!”
“Okay.”

Minutes later, the spaceship was back in commission and the sound effects resumed.

“Stop it, Geremy!”
“Okay.”

Minutes later…blast off time. I gave the countdown, then I blasted off, which resulted in me tipping over my chair and landing on the ground.

Miss Davis appeared out of nowhere and she roughly pulled me into the hallway, gripping me like her hand was a vice grip. She spanked me around 20 times and the pain hurt so bad that my butt went numb. I was near tears when I re-entered the room, but no one said a word because they didn’t want to experience the signature Davis Spanking®.

To this day I am scared to imitate a spaceship because I fear the wrath of Davis coming upon me again.

Flashback to 1991

I was in first grade in PS 10 of Paterson, NJ and I was pretty much the smartest kid in the class. I got straight A’s, and I was doing Math at a fourth grade level (thanks mom). My teacher made the Principal get me a Math specialist to come in every Wednesday to teach me advanced math…me and only me. Whenever I got A’s on the tests, she would give me rewards—usually something she created and designed.

One day, she gave me an envelope with a fancy star design on the front. Instead of throwing it away like the other things she gave me, I drew a little picture and put it in the envelope to give to the girl I liked…my way of flirting when I was 6. I told the kid next to me to give the note to the girl, but instead he gave the note to Pedro, the class bully.

Pedro was the only kid in the class who hated me, simply because he was intellectually impaired and I wasn’t. Pedro dressed in black sneakers, corduroys, and a “Viva Las Vegas” t-shirt everyday. I think that Pedro also had a moustache, but I’m not sure.

Pedro got the letter and figured that I wanted to be his friend, so he responded.


Dear Geremy,
I love you. If anybody mess with you, I’ll (expletive deleted) them up

Well!

After that, I instantly became popular because Pedro passed me off as his homeboy, and everyone was scared to mess with me for fear of answering to Pedro.

I’m kind of happy that Pedro got the letter instead of the girl, but I can’t help but imagine what would have happened if that girl actually got my letter. Maybe there would’ve been a Mrs. Geremology right now.

Flashback to 1990

One month after coming from Trinidad to America I attended kindergarten at PS 219 in Brooklyn, NY. Since we were deathly poor, I had to wear second hand clothes given to me by my grandmother. I had no idea how things worked in America, but I tried my best to fit in.

There I was, little Geremy walking to school with his metal “Incredible Hulk” lunchbox filled with water and crackers (that’s all we had to eat), wearing a red sweater, grey dress pants, and grey church shoes, otherwise known as my “Sunday best.” When I got to school, I didn’t know where to go so I walked up to a kid who looked like he was from Trinidad and I asked him in my best American voice, “yuh kno wheer mah class is?” He laughed and ran away-I guess my accent wasn’t very convincing.

I somehow found my class and I had a seat next to a girl. This wasn’t just any girl—this was the best looking girl in the class. You see, I was a man on a mission…a mission to replace my pseudo-girlfriend that I left in Trinidad (she didn’t know that she was my girlfriend yet, but I was planning on letting her know sometime before I left)

This girl was nice to me and followed me around everywhere I went. Sure she was good looking, but it was getting annoying! After two months of this, our friendship came to a highpoint/lowpoint. We were on the bus to take a class trip to the zoo and I tried to sit next to someone else…that’s when she got psycho.

“SIT NEXT TO ME”
“But…but I wanna sit next to her”
“SIT NEXT TO ME, YOU’RE MINE!”
What did I get myself into?!

I sat next to her and she made me hold her hand. Minutes later, she made me hug her. Minutes later, she made me give her my lunch. Minutes later, she made me give her a kiss on the cheek. I felt violated. ENOUGH OF THIS! I did the only thing I knew what to do…I cried.

After that day, I avoided that girl like the plague, and every time she saw me she screamed “I’m GONNA GET YOU!”

From that point until 3 years later I was afraid of getting involved with American girls…and it was all her fault!

Happy Birthday, Geremy

Today is the day that I leave teenager-dom and enter into my twenties, or adulthood. It is scary to think that I will be having a Geremy Jr, getting married, buying a few houses, and graduating college all in my twenties (hopefully not in that order), but I have to accept it. Today is the beginning of the rest of my life.

I can’t properly appreciate today until I think about my previous birthdays.

Flashback to 1991.

My birthday fell on a Saturday and since we didn’t have much money for anything the budget for my gift was $2. My dad went to Radio Shack and bought a broken remote controlled car for 2.5 times his budget (or $5) because that’s what I really, really, really wanted. My dad came home and faithfully worked on the truck to get it working but he was taking too long.

After church the next day, I came home, didn’t bother to change my clothes and took matters into my own hands. I hooked up wire A to wire B, wire B to wire C, and wire C to the wall. ZAP!!!!! The power went out, my Sunday outfit had burn holes in it, and I was smoking…literally.

After I frantically ran into my parents room, my father checked on the truck and told me that I burned out the motors. I set the family’s money, my birthday present and my clothes ablaze by connecting 3 wires.

It’s all okay though because my dad made it up to me 11 years later by buying me a functioning gas powered automobile.

Happy Birthday to me.