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Merry Shopping!

In America, today is the biggest shopping day of the year, dubbed “Black Friday” because of all the black eyes people get while fighting to save $3 on a 8 inch black and white TV. If you are one of those people who woke up at 4am and camped out at the front door of Best Buy with your cordless electric heater and your MP3 player, don’t feel ashamed because two years ago, I was just like you.

The year was 2003 and I wanted to get in on a $100 rebate on a video card for my computer. I woke up at 4:30am, drove 20 minutes to Best Buy and stood outside…in the rain…without a jacket…without my dignity. When the store opened at 7, my position in line didn’t matter because of the horde of people who appeared out of nowhere and sprinted to the front of the line. While trying to squeeze through the front door, a lot of toes were stepped on, a lot of people were hit by carts, and I think a few lives were lost, but none of this was going to prevent me from getting my video card.

Since I knew the store like the back of my hand, I took a shortcut and ended up being the first one at the computer service counter where they stashed the video cards. Just as the worker handed me the video card box, a woman dove and snatched it out of his hands as if the life of her first born child was in danger if she didn’t get it. Best Buy was a complete madhouse, so I wanted to quickly leave the store after I got my video card, but there was one LONG thing stopping me from gaining freedom…the line.

The nine gillion person line started at the front of the store and went through every isle of the refrigerators, into the office furniture section, into the car electronics section, through the home theater section, between the aisles of the phone section, down the aisle of the computer accessories and straight to the service desk. It took me around 3 hours to get to the front of the line and when I finally got to the cashier, the prepubescent 15 year old boy badgered me about getting an extended-service plan.

After all of the trouble that I went through to get the video card, I was never able to send in the rebate because I never found a stamp.

This year, just like year in the past, I have put my Christmas List online to assist you in your shopping endeavors this season. Since I’ve been regarded as “greedy” for never having any cheap items on my list, I expanded my horizons and added something for every budget. You, too, can make a Geremy happy this season.

I would like to give thanks for: My Cooking Skillzzzzzzz

Happy Thanksgiving to you all. I hope that your day was filled with the joyous consumption of our formerly feathered friends.

Unlike previous Thanksgivings, I decided to honor the people in my family with the pleasure of being able to taste the many masterpieces that I am able to create in the kitchen. While my mom started making the turkey (cooking it, not giving birth to it) I made the potato salad. I used a ruler and my award-winning precision to cut each potato block into perfect 5cm x 5cm squares so that there would be an equal ratio of potato-ey goodness in every bite. If I had to summarize the potato salad in one word, it would be mind-blowingly-mackadocious.

Since I mastered the art of the potato salad, I went on to make a macaroni pie. I grated the cheese ever so gently, and made sure that only the finest cheeses made it into the pie. The macaroni pie took a lot of time to make, but it was worth every second of my time.

I had some spare time after the pie and I wanted to try my hand at dessert, so I tried to bake a cake, but just like my past endeavors with baking, the cake didn’t turn out so well. I don’t know what happened. I followed the instructions on the box, put in exactly enough ingredients, but my cake still ended up tasting like flour, wood and a 9 volt battery.

Thanksgiving as a whole went well for the family. The five of us sat at the table and filled our plates with the many pounds of food that was laid out on the table. Personally, I packed my plate with everything (except the cholesteroleriffic lasagna) and I ate until I was in danger of tearing my stomach lining. After I was happy and filled with food, the idea for the next website redesign came to me, so I had to sketch it down immediately.

Website Scribble

That picture won’t make sense to anyone but me, so its purpose is to let you see what’s going on inside my mind.

I doubt that your Thanksgiving was as good as mine because you didn’t have GEREMY as your chef, but I hope that it went well anyway.

A++++ WILL RIDE AGAIN!!!

On Saturday I boarded an elevator with my dad, destined for the third floor of the five floor building. This wasn’t the typical pushbutton type elevator that is typically used by you modern folk. Nope…no way. This elevator was almost completely manually controlled with cranks and levers. This was the type of elevator that required a skilled elevator man. This was the type of elevator that was way too complicated for normal people like my father and me.

Although it may seem like this elevator was a 9’x 4’ death canister, it had one huge advantage over modern elevators—-a variable speed regulator. This means that if I want to go from the basement to the fifth floor going 55mph, there’s nothing, except common sense, that can stop me from doing so.

This day was your typical boring Saturday afternoon, so to add some excitement to our day, we discarded all measures of common sense and we set the lever to 11,000 jiggawatts of power, also known as “THE DANGER ZONE.” For exactly one split second, we were headed to the third floor at a speed that my 175 horsepower Nissan Altima could only achieve when strapped to the roof of a Dodge Viper, but then we stopped and the crank no longer worked.

Now would be a good time to say “UH-OH!”

Since this wasn’t your typical elevator, we were able to open the door and assess the situation. We were stuck between the first and second floor, but there was a 1 foot space to try to climb out of the elevator. My dad and I slid out with no problem (thank God I hadn’t eaten that second chocolate éclair) and we had to take the steps up to the roof to flip a gigantic switch that looked like it belonged to an electric chair in order to make the elevator functional again.

In the end, we had to do a lot more work to get to the third floor, but was it worth it? MOST DEFINITELY! I give that elevator my seal of approval and I hope to have many more exciting life-threatening experiences with it.

I…I Can’t See!!

I should have waited a couple of days before posting my Airborne entry because I got infected with the worst cold ever to grace mankind a mere 20 hours after typing the entry. It started out very typical with a stuffy nose, then it progressed to dry-heaving, then it progressed to major headaches. I was able to handle these things every easily because of my high tolerance for pain, but what came next caught me off-guard.

Sick Vision

I’ve never heard of a cold symptom quite like this one, but my vision started to become pixelated. Everywhere I looked resembled the picture above and it got progressively worse as time went on. Since I was at school when all of this was happening, I knew that I needed to rush home while I still had some of my sight left.

I got home safely, despite my 90/90 vision and the rain falling, and I went directly to the medicine cabinet to dump every and anything into my body. Since I couldn’t see much, I took the first medicine-like thing that I saw and drank a lot of it, then I headed to bed. I woke up 3 hours later expecting to have my vision back again, but I felt worse than before. In fact, I started hearing telemundo broadcasts going on in my head…no antennas necessary.

I went back to the medicine cabinet and drank a lot of some other kind of liquid and headed back to sleep with hopes of making the cold go away and getting my eyesight back. Finally after 10 more hours, I made a dramatic recovery. Now that it’s 2 days later, I am fully recovered and I have my 20/10 vision back….but I still can’t get rid of the Spanish voices in my head.

$3.61

Lack of Money

I haven’t had this little money in my bank account since I was 12. That’s what happens when I put every penny into my camera savings fund. Now I have to figure out how to get 1 gallon of gas out of this $3.61.

Success: Soon and very soon!

Whenever someone asks me for a description for my website, I say “twenty year old self-proclaimed genius allows you to track his path to success on Geremology.com.” But there’s one problem: thus far, I haven’t divulged any information about my plan to be successful.

After using last week to plan my major milestones for the next 15 years, I have decided to pursue two goals that I’ve had for months:

1) Get an internship.
I have tons of employment experience, from “crew transporter” to TV editor, but I haven’t had any business-field related experience. I’ve had two meetings with my school’s career counsellor last week and I have my third meeting tomorrow. If all goes well, I will have an internship by January of 2006…then I will rise to CEO of the company.

2) Develop a publicly available website
I have a dream that one day even the internet, a dangerous place, sweltering with the heat of inappropriate websites, will be transformed into an oasis of geremological goodness.

I have an idea for a website that millions of people will be able to visit every day to manage their lives. That’s the vaguest description that I can give before my meeting with a lawyer tomorrow, but after I find a web designer/programmer and collect the $2000 to get started on the initial costs, more information will be shared.

So this has been your Geremology minute on the subject of success. When I become rich and famous, you can tell all of your friends, “I used to watch that kid make a fool of himself back when he was poor”

Thanks Airborne!

Earlier this week I was studying at 3am when I developed a little sneeze. The sneeze persisted for a few minutes, then it was joined by its buddy stuffy nose. At first, my nose was just a little stuffy, but then all airflow through my nose was restricted by congestion that had the power of the Hoover Dam. That’s when I said enough is enough!

I left my room and went downstairs to look for something to attack my congestion. I came across everything from a mini suction to a plunger—all eligible choices to unclog my nose, but I settled on something that I’ve never used before…Airborne.

I popped the Godzilla sized tablet into a cup of water and drank it down, chunks and all. At that point, I was too congested to continue studying so I set my alarm for 6am and headed to bed. When I woke up in the morning to finish cramming I was surprised to see that Airborne attacked the cold forming bacteria and I was good to go!

Thanks to Airborne, I was able to have a congestion-free day. Get yourself a bottle.

Weekend Update w/ Geremy

I spent the entire weekend and 90% of today doing 2 things:

1) Developing a plan for the rest of my life….yes, rest of my life. Someone once said “a goal without a plan is just a wish,” so in order to achieve my life goals, I had to make a plan. More on this in a later entry (possibly).

2) Developing a “photoblog.” I spent a total of approximately 40 hours trying to get many lines of programming functioning correctly, and now I can confidently say that it is the most functional photoblog out there.

But before you pop that bottle of sparkling apple cider to celebrate, I must rain on your parade. The design won’t go live for at least 50 more days for various reasons, including the fact that I don’t own a decent camera right now. Keep sitting on the edge of your seat because the official launch date for “Project: 561RAL” is set for January 1, 2006. More details as time passes.
——-
Due to a very, very tight week at school, there won’t be many updates until I can catch a spare minute. I have a lot of ditches that I must pull myself out of in order to have a successful school year.