SMART decision

I’m seriously considering purchasing a Smart Car to run around with. It’s like a little toy and for $13,000 brand new, I’ve got nothing to lose! If you see a big dude driving down the street in a clown-looking car, blasting rap music–your eyes aren’t playing tricks on you…that’s Geremy!

You call that chicken?!

Last night I went to the IZOD Center to see the Nets reduce the Hawks to utter ruin. Midway through the Hawks’ comedic performance on the court, my friend and I went to the food stand to find some nourishment; however, all I got instead was a tummy full of belches and “food” that was probably chemically charged.

I looked through the food options: hot dogs, shrimp and fries or “chicken” tenders and fries. My best option seemed to be the “chicken” tenders and fries so I put it on my tray, paid $85 to the cashier for the meal and headed back to my seat. I took my first bite into the “chicken” and realized that they forgot a key ingredient in the recipe–flavor! In order to remedy the situation I retrieved some sweet and sour sauce and dipped the second piece of the “chicken.” As soon as the “chicken” entered my body, I began to burp. Midway through my fourth consecutive burp, I took another bite and almost threw up in my mouth. I was DONE.

If you are ever faced with the opportunity to eat “chicken” tenders from a sports facility, please make sure to find out where the chicken came from. Come to think of it, I didn’t see the Nets’ mascot at all during the game–maybe he was the mystery meat!

Crater, Meet Car! Car…Crater!

Breaking News: Outer space isn’t the only place with craters…New Jersey has ’em too!

On a peaceful friday night I was only my way home from a rousing night of activities. The weather was a rainy 52 degrees and I was in an unnecessary rush to get home. Instead of driving very carefully to make sure that I do not damage anything, I decided forsake all discretion and drive semi-aggressively. My aggressive driving led me directly to one of the aforementioned Pluto-sized craters, residing in Elmwood Park, NJ.

The crater was seeking revenge on cars and my poor automobile was its first victim. I drove into the hole at around 40 mph and BLAM, the hole bent my 1 month old 20 inch rim…and it hurt!

Now I have an oval rim and a dilemma to face.

My Paradise

Parked in a park and reading in my backseat–my choice Saturday
afternoon activity.

My huge backseat happens to double as a sofa.

“Gimme Back my Money!”

This guy stood on the return line at Microcenter for 20 minutes and said “I’M NOT MOVING UNTIL I GET BACK MY MONEY.” He also didn’t allow the customer service lady to help anyone else. He ended up being literally dragged out of the store.

He might’ve also stolen something square from the store shelves and hid it in the seat of his pajama pants…I’m not sure.

PF Delicioso

Today I went to PF Changs Restaurant with some friends for good food and good times.

Excuse me. That was the worst opening sentence that I’ve ever written. Let me try this again.

Today I went to PF Changs with my posse to obliterate some food, using only my teeth and my digestive system.

That was much better…

This was my first time going to this restaurant, but it was highly recommended by my sister, who is a food connoisseur (or maybe she’s just greedy—I’m not sure). I went a little overboard with my hunger and I ordered two mixed drinks and a large meal, but I paced myself and demolished the meal in a polite manner.

After conquering the main course we ordered dessert, which was served in a shot glass. My strawberry shortcake shot was approximately the size of seven quarters stacked on top of one another, but oh my was it GOOD! As soon as I started to really enjoy the dessert it was finished and the portion was too small to make its way down my esophagus; therefore, it was a 0 calorie meal. How’s that for diet food!!

All in all, the food was great, but I did NOT appreciate the weird chef staring at me through the kitchen window with a weird serial-killer look on his face. It made me very uncomfortable, to say the least, and I don’t even want to think about what he might’ve done to my food.

Forget Ikea!

I’ve realized that putting Ikea furniture together is only fun when it’s one piece of furniture per calendar year. Earlier this week my sister bought about 8 or 9 pieces of furniture from Ikea and I foolishly decided to help her put together a dresser. After a solid hour of work, the dresser was still not completed and I admitted defeat against Ikea.

I’ve had a change of heart–when I move out, I will not buy all of my furniture from Ikea because I simply do not have that kind of time, energy, or willpower on my hands. Sometimes it’s worth it to pay extra for furniture that is ready-to-use upon delivery instead of wide, nondescript boxes with instructions to insert Tab-A into Slot-B.

I Just Ate 可怕食物!!!!!

This weekend my peoples and I went to a Chinese food market to purchase random foods for taste testing. This experiment was especially scary because none of the words on the foods’ packaging were in English. There were questionable foods which were brightly colored and vacuum packed with a smiling orange dragon on the packaging. The packages did not give any inkling of a hint about what the food might be and I was nervous.

We left the store with $70 worth of stuff and then we retreated back to the car to taste each food. Most of the foods were sweet and tasty, but there was one item that tasted like curdled soymilk and astroturf. This food had a marshmellowy look and a pretzely texture and, worst of all, when I chewed it it bit me back. I promptly spit this faux-dessert out of my mouth and moved onto the next item.

All-in-all everything tasted alright at best. It was a good experience that I will probably never do again, since I probably endangered my life by possibly eating Ancient Chinese Preserved Dragon.


Yesterday there was 6 inches of snow on the ground with weather conditions worsening every minute, but I still insisted on driving to Kinkos because I’m a man.

I left work with all of my documents on hand to give to Mr. Kinko and I took extra care to make sure that nothing was ruined by the snow. I started the car and pulled out of the parking lot with super-duper amounts of carefulness. To make sure that I was extra-safe, I activated the traction control and “snow mode” on Goldie (my car).

After five minutes of driving at 11mph, I figured that I’d kick things up a notch and drive at 15mph. Two minutes later…20mph because I’m a man.

Things were going well and the road was semi-isolated, so I decided to turn off snow-mode and drive at regular speed because I’m a man. Approximately three seconds after flipping the snow switch, the back of my car made a hard right turn and Goldie began to spin out of control. Instead of panicking, I calmly tried to regain control, but suddenly I heard a beeping sound from the dashboard, which was swiftly followed by the message “ABORT VEHICLE! ABORT VEHICLE NOW! GOLDIE GON’ DIE!” (or maybe it said “traction lost,” but it all meant the same thing to me).

The car was sliding sideways up a hill at around 5mph and heading for a lamppost at the side of the road and there was nothing that I could do about it. But just when I was ready to swan-dive out of the sunroof, the car came to a complete halt. I evaluated my situation and noticed that I was about an inch from the curb and about six inches from the post.

I learned the tough way that when they wrote “snow mode” they really mean it, and I shouldn’t ignore it even if I’m a man.