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Not the Zoo I Remember

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When I was 7 years old I went to the Bronx Zoo fe the first time. As a sheltered kid, I was enthralled by a zoo that seemed to be the size of Ecuador with as many animals as West Africa. It was the best experience of my life!

Two Saturdays ago I tried to duplicate this experience by revisiting the zoo, but everything seemed extremely underwhelming. For example, the animals seemed a lot littler, the zoo seemed smaller and I didn’t get to see “Ernest the Elephant”–an animal that probably never existed in the first place.

Although the experience was extremely fun, I’ve noticed a few disconnects between my 7 year old thoughts and my 23 year old reality. Due to the many inconsistencies, I’ve decided to leave the past in the past and to not revisit any childhood memories. My heart can’t take it anymore!

G-Head Postcards

Custom stationary makes my heart shine brightly with happiness–I love it!! This love has driven me to secure a partnership with a printing company so I can print custom paper products at low cost. The first product that I have designed and produced is a postcard bearing my newest “Gere-seal” with the signature G-Head design.

I hereby present to you:

Geremology Postcards

Coldest Season of the Year: Tax Season

Let’s start by breathing a sigh of relief for Geremy—“PHEW!!!”

Today is April 16th–the day that follows the dreaded “Tax Deadline Day” in the United States. While many people across the country are freaking out, I’m breathing a sigh of relief thanks to my new expert team of Certified Public Accountants!

My Grand Plan

At the beginning of 2008 I came up with a complex business model for my life, which arranged everything into “profit centers.” This led to me starting companies, opening bank accounts that automagically organized my money, and other elaborate business mumbo-jumbo that only makes sense in my wandering mind. Everything was all “butterflies and rainbows” until tax time came and I had a tough time arranging my finances.

I enlisted the help of a highly recommended accounting firm to produce a report on my finances that would be acceptable in the sights of Mr. US Government. Three months later (and two days shy of the US deadline), I have my finalized tax return containing a record of all business income and expenses for the year. Now I can finally rest assured, knowing that the US Government won’t be threatening to break my legs and shouting expletives at my family, like the A word (audit) and the F word (fine).

As the Russians say, “Было деньги расходуются по назначению. Благодаря Мать Россия!!”

Translation: That was money well spent…thanks mother Russia!

Condo Craving

Last weekend I had a terrible, terrible craving for a condo and I needed to satisfy it immediately. When I called my friend to discuss this unique, new “condo craving,” it turned out that she was experiencing the same thing. In order to cure this desire, we quickly formulated a list of condo requirements to direct our search. Our requirements were simple:

  • Between $800,000 and $4 gillion
  • Within 100 footsteps of a major body of water
  • Amazing
  • Mind blowing

We quickly selected a three condos that satisfied our requirements and made appointments to see them.

The first two condos were in the sub-million dollar range but didn’t have much to offer, other than a tremendous skyline view. The master bedroom was hardly fit for a “master,” the regular bedrooms were the size of closets, and the bathrooms were basically tiny hallways with a mini toilet at the end. Geremy was underwhelmed.

The last condo was the overly hyped Trump Plaza in New Jersey. Upon visiting the building we were seated in a waiting area that had nice, furry floors–THE FLOORS WERE GROWING HAIR…and I liked it. Then we were ushered up to the “amenities floor” where you can do everything from sit in a spa all day to play virtual golf…and I liked it. Then we toured a typical apartment, which was “alright” at best, but had a view that pleasantly surprised my irises. That’s when I decided that if I had to purchase a sub-million dollar condo, the Trump Plaza would be my home. Unfortunately, that is not currently the case.

After opening my eyes to such amazing condos, I have resolved to purchase a place of my own within the next 10 years. I plan on approaching the seller with a large suitcase containing one million dollars…in quarters.

Trump Bathroom