Miss Sterious on the Prowl

A week ago I was violated in a weird kind of way and I am finally comfortable enough to write about it.

It was a great Friday–the sun was out, birds were chirping and Geremy was happy, but he needed a Dunkin Donuts’ iced caramel latte with extra caramel to make him happier. When I entered Dunkin Donuts it was apparent that I was not the only person desiring an iced latte because the store had a long line of other people with a latte on their agenda.

I quietly stood in line and waited for my turn to place an order when I was hugged from behind by a mysterious person–let’s call her Miss Sterious. While Miss Serious embraced me, she loudly whispered into my right ear, “you look really nice in that pink shirt!” I responded, “thank you” and stepped forward to release myself from the uncomfortable touch of the unfamiliar woman. She continued by saying “…my husband refuses to wear pink shirts because those men follow him around.” I turned to fully look at the person who I was speaking to when I realized that Sterious is a middle-aged woman with a big smile and (I kid you not) TWO visible teeth. I smiled and stepped further forward while I thought “pleeeease hurry up!”

“Next person in line!”

I stepped forward, placed my order, and stepped to the side as they began to build my drink. Terious continued speaking with her outdoor voice, “…my husband walked into the Century 21 Department store and the men followed him around because of his pink shirt *laughs HEARTILY*. HE CAME HOME AND RIPPED OFF THE SHIRT! HE SAID, ‘BABE, I’M NOT WEARIN THAT THING NO MO’ *more hearty laughs*.” Seconds later, my drink was ready and I quickly walked away to escape from the conversation-trap of Miss Sterious.

I wouldn’t be surprised if she appeared at my house in the near future, wearing a pink shirt and laughing heartily as she screams “PUT THAT SWEET PINK SHIRT BACK ON!”

I have officially retired the pink shirt!

Cirque Du Soleil

Cirque Du Soleil

Last weekend a friend took me to Cirque Du Soleil for a great show on Randalls Island, NY. The show was packed with randomness, like an audience member being swallowed into the stage while another audience member’s chair shot several feet into the air via a hydraulic chair lift. If you haven’t had the chance to see a Cirque show I highly recommend–but be sure not to sit in the middle of Section 200, Row L or you’ll find yourself inches away from the ceiling when they shoot you to the sky!

I Didn’t get the Memo!

Someone forgot to inform me that a typical engagement ring does not cost less than $1,000. I was under the impression that I can purchase a beautiful 4 carat diamond ring for $2,000 MAX, but today I was unpleasantly surprised to find out that I was disgustingly incorrect. Apparently, a man is supposed to use three months (12 strenuous weeks, 60 hardworking days, 480 painstaking hours) of his hard-earned salary on a single ring. The worst part is that the ring can’t even do any tricks, like take out the garbage or change the car’s timing belt.

This would be fine if there was an equivalent gift for the man, like an 82″ HDTV, or a gold-plated Mercedes-Benz but this is not the case. We get the joy of purchasing the house and paying for all of the associated bills. If we’re lucky we also get the pleasure of paying for the car and furnishing the house. Our repayment??? Love!

Love?! I feel like men everywhere have been bamboozled!

Maybe everything will make more sense when I’m older. MUCH older..

UNcreative Frame of Mind

I few weeks ago my friend I I found ourselves at a studio where we were got in touch with our inner-child to make creations out of glass. After a brief explanation of the glass making tools and rules we were unleashed us to construct magnificent masterpieces.

Glassworking Utilities

The creation process was very chaotic and stressful to me because I had “inventors block” and could not cause any creativity or imagination to surface.

My Tacky Picture Frame Creation

…and then my final creation looked like I stuck Nemo in a microwave and then glued him onto a piece of glass.

Six-Sigma my Life: Part I- Laptop

In working in the management consulting world I was introduced to the concept of process improvement via methods like “lean manufacturing” and “six sigma.” The premise of these concepts is that an individual or group analyzes a business process (typically a manufacturing chain) to identify and eliminate waste an inefficiencies, resulting in saved costs and a more efficient process. When I was introduced to this idea I thought, “why can’t I do this to my entire LIFE?!”

So I did!

I selected a few elements of my life that needed improvement and I analyzed all of the inefficiencies that plagued those things.

The first thing I analyzed was this website. Geremology.com was born in 2002 and has become my pride and joy, but updates tend to trickle through sparingly. I searched far and wide for answers and, finally, I pinpointed the root cause of the inefficiency to be my laptop–my massive, 17″ wide monster-truck of a laptop.

My computer tends to be too big to comfortably lug around for journaling and editing pictures on-the-go, but when I get a chance to write I am often distracted by the millions of other things happening on the gigantic screen. To fix the problem and boost productivity I bought a nice, portable, simple laptop whose purpose is to keep me connected while on the go and keep me on task when it comes to writing.

The Giant and his New Brother

Phase I of “Six Sigma, Geremy Edition”— Complete.