GTR = Geremy’s Transformational Ride

GTR = Geremy's Terrific Ride

On Saturday I experienced the excruciating pain of having my heart knocked to the back of my body while the skin on my face felt like it was being ripped off. Just when my body couldn’t take it anymore, I slammed on the brakes so I can experience the blissfully painful feeling once again. This pain was unnatural and unsafe, but it felt so freakishly good that I needed to get multiple fixes of the speed induced euphoria before the experience ended for good. This was my experience while test driving the most amazing street-legal rocket-ship car that has ever graced this earth’s surface…the Nissan GT-R.

I sorta felt sorry for the salesman who was glued to his seat with a look of terror in his eyes as I harnessed the speed of the tremendous twin-turbo engine to catapult the car from 0 to 60 miles an hour in 3.8 seconds. Instead of trying to get me to slow down and drive like a 74 year old grandpa in his Buick, he encouraged me to “fully test the limits of the car,” which I interpreted as “go as fast as you possibly can without killing yourself.” I took his statement as a challenge and I literally did things to that car that I cannot publicly describe for fear of having my license revoked and public speculation that I am THE STIG*.

When I set the appointment to drive this super-car, I had the intention of purchasing a quick all-wheel-drive vehicle to replace my current car and I walked into the dealership fully prepared with all of the necessary documents to make this a reality. Since it was obvious that I was serious about this purchase, the salesman wanted me to get a full and accurate feel for the car. When I drove this car, my decision was finalized and I knew that I needed to be the chosen person to give this polite beast a new home in my driveway.

I loved everything about the car! I loved how the built-in computer measured g-force when cornering and other important racing stats that would never be used during my 1.4 mile commute to the office. I loved how the brakes had enough force to stop a speeding Boeing 787 jet in seconds. I loved how the racing seats hugged my body as if it was telling me, “Geremy, I know that the engine’s power s bone chilling, but I am going to embrace you the entire time to make you feel better…but it won’t help.” I loved how the quad-exhaust pipes screamed “hello, pleased to meet you” when cruising down the street, and “GET OUT OF MY WAY” when racing down the highway. I loved this car and it needed to be mine.

After my body felt nauseous from speeding, cornering and stopping, we returned to the dealership to talk numbers. Unfortunately, we could not see eye-to-eye concerning the trade-in value of my car because the dealership uses the formula “Value of car – $25,000 = Trade-in Price” for trade-ins and that was no-bueno with me. I had to leave the dealership without my GT-R this time, but it has developed a new deeply-rooted love in my heart and it will be mine eventually!

Nissan GTR, I love you… will you be my valentine??

Please note: Everything that Jeremy Clarkson said in this episode of Top Gear about the GT-R is a tremendous understatement!

* I really am The Stig