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On This Day

My Open Letter to T-Mobile

Dearest T-Mobile,

You won over my heart many years ago when you were a little company named “Omnipoint.” You advertised that you had a “100% digital phone network” and I signed up because I thought that digital was sononymous with “new technology”. I was greatly let down when I found out that your network was 100% digicrap. But I still stuck with you.

You merged with another company, picked up the name “Voicestream,” flaunted your new logo and sent me a flyer that promised better service and I believed you. I bought a new “trendy” phone and expected reliable service, but your service was thrice times worse than anything that I’ve used in my life, including walkie-talkies and tincan and string. Often times, I got so sick of your horrible, horrible service that I resorted to yelling on the rooftops for house-to-house communication. But I stuck with you and your quadraplegic network.

You became T-Mobile and gave me 1000 anytime minutes, free nights and weekends, and all the other bells and whistles for $39.99/month. The network was greatly improved and you kept giving me free things to keep me as a customer. You reminded me of my second girlfriend who always said, “don’t go! I’ll change! I’m different now!” But were you really different, or was it all a facade?!

You kept sending me letters in the mail saying, “looky here, we’re improving” but the lingering 2 bars on my cell phone proved otherwise. You sent me a letter saying “we’ve expanded our network to upstate New York,” but during our yearly retreat to Poughkeepsie, my phone had less bars than a dry Mormon University. You sent me another letter saying “we’ve upgraded our coverage in northern New Jersey,” but I could never hold a phone conversation on my way to school because the call was always dropped. I stopped relying on my cell phone and started to use word-of-mouth and snail-mail for everything, BUT THAT DEFEATED THE PURPOSE OF ME USING YOU IN THE FIRST PLACE!

Basically, what I’m trying to tell you is that it’s over. Just like that. I’m tired of the broken promises, the lies, the deceit and the dinners when you ditched me and left me alone at the dinner table.

I’m leaving you for your second cousin…Sprint.

Why Sprint? Because she’s better than you are. She is giving me everything you gave me in addition to unlimited video mail, picture mail, broadband internet, mobile television and companionship for $10 less than I paid you. Also, Sprint looks better than you do.

I got this sweeeet phone from them and after 2 weeks of using it, I’m not turning back.

Sprint--BARS!

It was fun while it lasted, but I got tired of this seemingly endless love/hate relationship that you got me involved in.

Love your ex-customer,
Geremy F

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