The End of the Repairman Chronicles

Yesterday I made the decision to close my business as a computer service provider. Why’d I quit? I quit because I lost interest in computers and gained interest in the business aspect of life.

Now that I am no longer bound by the company’s unwritten contract of secrecy, I can freely talk about my top 5 experiences.

5- Filthy. I arrived at a very beautiful house, but the bedroom of the customer (an early 20’s male) did not reflect the beauty of the neighborhood. There were BAGS of weed all over the floor, trippy posters, and tons of 1/2 empty water bottles with literally hundreds of cigarette butts in each bottle. His room smelled like actual skunk “juice” and my nose went numb after 5 minutes.

4- WHYYY?????? This service call started with a simple task to replace one part in the computer then the amount of work increased exponentially, which meant that I needed to return to the house several times to perform additional tasks. As if this wasn’t bad enough, the customer was 6′8…and FEMALE. Everytime I went to her house to service the computer I heard something that made me go WOW!!!!! During the latest service call (2 days ago), I heard about one of her family members who’s 11 years old and she stabbed one of her classmates. Get me outta there!

3- HOW??? I had to do maintenance on a computer of an old woman, but it was tough because she had no idea where her computer was. I know what you’re thinking, “How doesn’t she know where her computer is??” Answer: SHE’S BLIND! A blind woman lived alone and knew her way around the house, but she had no idea where she put her computer. After I found the computer, I did what I had to do, then when I told her that I was done, she said “thank you” and handed me a $5 bill. I’m pretty sure that she meant to give me $1 though.

2- Unfortunate. The address on the work order stated that the house number was 56, but house number 56 was completely burned down. I called the customer to verify the address and he said that he lives 3 houses down. I walked 3 houses down and I rang the bell and the man who answered the door looked like he was very injured from a fire. After I spoke to him for a while, I asked him about the charred house and he told me the story of how he was trapped in the house while it burnt down. Very unfortunate.

1- Shocking. I went to an apartment (conveniently located across the street from a hospital) and the house was packed with stuff, but that didn’t bother me as much as what happened a few minutes after I arrived. I was making good progress on the computer when I heard something rattling behind the computer desk, then a rat the size of a rottweiler ran from behind the desk across the living room floor, and into the kitchen. I was disgusted, shocked, and scared all at the same time, but the owner of the apartment looked at me as if I was crazy for acting the way I did. At least the customer made an effort to calm me down by saying “don’t worry about him, he doesn’t bite.”

I have one more service call to finish up, then I’m free!

Chronicles of a Computer Technician

On Wednesday, I had my first two service calls under my new contract, and my third service call was on Friday.

First customer: A Jamaican woman who spoke very loudly. When I rang the bell, she opened her door and looked at me with a furious look on her face and said “YES?!?” After I told her who I was, her facial expression changed completely and she yelled “COME IN!” Her house was about 4 degrees over boiling point and I immediately began to sweat. While I changed the defective memory module, she sat on her couch while telling someone on the phone about my every move. “Okay, now he’s opening the computer….Now he’s unscrewing something….etc” HOW ANNOYING! I finished the repair as quickly as possible because: 1) my shirt was literally on fire and I had to use my sweat put out the flames, and 2) Her devious stare suggested that she was undressing me with her eyes. I finished everything up within 15 minutes and I left there to go to my second service call

Second customer: Lives in terrible part of the ghetto, where even the 4 year olds packed guns. I walked into her house and she introduced me to her blind 17 year old dog and told me that he wouldn’t bite me because he can’t see me. I followed her upstairs and the dog followed me….but failed. He would walk up 5 stairs, then slide down the steps, then try again and bump into the wall and slide down again. It was a sad sight to see, yet very entertaining. I started to open her computer, but then realized that HQ sent me the wrong part, so I called it in, packed up my stuff, said bye to the blind dog and left the house.

As I was walking to my car, which was 1/2 the way down the street, I saw a guy walk up to my car, look inside, pull out a screwdriver and then proceeded to try to steal it. I quickly pressed the “panic” button, which scared him, and he ran away. It would’ve been very interesting if he actually stole my car and I had to walk 30 miles to get home.

Third customer: Party girl. I walked into her room and she had many, many, many guys passed out in her apartment. All I asked was, “Wild party last night, huh” and she replied “yup!”

Stay tuned for more chronicles of a computer technician.
(Fox should make this into a reality show!)

Just call me Nick Burns

This week, I received an email from a company stating that I had won the bid and they accepted my contract. I had absolutely no idea what bid they were referring to until I looked through my files from when I was a business owner. When I was trying to expand my business, I put in a bid to a company that provided warranties for computers to be their official service provider for this area of NJ. I have no idea why it took them this long to review the documents, but they finally came to a decision to use my company!

After corresponding with the company and sending a series of documents back and forth, I am now the “Nick Burns” for 15 large electronic/appliance stores across the state.

Something wrong with your computer? NO PROBLEM! Just give your computer manufacturer a call and maybe they’ll dispatch me to fix your machine.

7 Workers vs. The Mean Boss-man

I got paid today for the work that I’ve been doing since Wednesday of last week, so since the job is over, I can freely write about it.

I HATED the job because all of the workers were stubborn and I was looked upon as the “MEAN BOSSMAN/ CHIEF DOODYHEAD.” The job entailed that we re-paint an entire school and then carpet the 2nd and 3rd floors. A carpet company was hired to carpet the 2nd and 3rd floors and 5 painters and 7 temporary laborers were hired to paint the rest of the school. Our deadline was Tuesday, August 31, but everyone was trying to make the job last as long as possible to get more money. This is what got me mad and the wrath of Geremy had to be laid down.

The hardest day (and the day with the most yelling) was Tuesday–deadline day. I dropped everyone off early in the morning and told them that they had to get the job done by 6pm. I left and came back to the at 12pm to check-up on things, but there was nothing to check-up on because NO WORK WAS BEING DONE!!

The 2 supervisors went to the Chinese food store to get food, the 7 temp. workers were in the basement talking about God-knows-what in their native language and there were only 2 people working. I told all of the laborers that I was going to deduct $10 from their salary for wasting my time and they all smiled and said “bien” because they couldn’t speak or understand English….or that’s what they wanted me to think.

I left and returned at 6pm to pay the temp workers for their work for the day. Even though they were working hard when I arrived there, it didn’t make up for the fact that they wasted 1 hour of my time earlier, so instead of the $110 that they were supposed to get, I paid them all $100.


Me: I kept the ten dollars for the one hour that you guys didn’t work!

Worker # 2: We don’t care! Give us our $10

Me:I told all of you that I was keeping $10. Unless you all want to go back in there and work 1 more hour, that’s all that you’re gonna get!

4 of the guys said “okay, we understand.. thanks” and they walked to the bus stop to go home, while 3 guys stood there and continued to argue

Worker # 3: We worked very hard! It’s only $10! Give it to us!!

Me: If it’s only $10, then forget abou…..WAIT!! I THOUGHT YOU GUYS ONLY SPOKE SPANISH?!??

Workers # 1-3:: Uhhhh… Si

Me: Bye.

At that point, I went inside, made sure that everything was going well and then I left.

Even though the money was very, very nice, I probably won’t ever volunteer to oversee another project of this magnitude. I hope that there’s a business course in school to teach me how to handle a boisterous gang of 7 temp workers.