The Harsh ceReality

Cereality Sign

I eat cereal every single day. For my 22nd birthday I got a cereal dispenser for QUICK DISPENSING POWERRR. At least once a week, I leave work for lunch in the middle of the day to satisfy my cereal craving. Some people call me a cereal killer–I prefer the term “fanatic”. So naturally when I heard that there is a “starbucks-type” cereal cafe in Philly, serving only cereal, I had to take a visit.

Cereality is located in Philadelphia across the street from UPenn’s campus and it quickly became my paradise. I almost began to giddily-giggle as I entered into the store and saw all of the cereal options, toppings, additions and flavors that I could’ve added to my meal to create the perfect concoction.

“Sir, what can I get for you today?”
“Give me the ‘Life Experience’… no… the ‘Jump Start’…. NO! I want the ‘You Snooze, You Lose’….nevermind… I want frosted flakes, and….AND STRAWBERRIES. YEAH!”

They almost brought me to tears.

“…and add some caramel to my cereal! And I’ll take one of those spoon-straw things too! A blue one! And make it 2% milk… I’m watching my figure!”

I whipped out my camera and started to take pictures of the place when I was fiercely interrupted by the cashier who turned quickly transitioned the fake-smile facade to an intense frown. “DID YOU JUST TAKE A PICTURE OF THE MENU?!” I replied, “Nah, just taking a picture of the sign,” to which he responded, “OK, just DO NOT take a picture of the menu.” Ok, calm down buddy…

I retreated back to the car to eat the cereal, which was served in a round chinese take-out box. Overall the cereal was “ehhh,” simply because no one is a better cereal chef than me. I might not be able to boil a pot of water, but I can definitely make the best cereal known to man, as evidenced by the weak showing of the competition. BELIEVE THAT.

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