The Horse with a Vendetta

The Horsey Riding Experience

It was a pleasant Saturday afternoon–the birds were chirping, sun was shining and weather conditions couldn’t be better. Happiness was in the air as my friend and I sought to ride horses through the peaceful fields and meadows in the rural lands.

After signing a medical waiver I approached my horse, “Red,” and hopped on. The ranch employee explained, “the horse is fully under your control–to go left pull the left rein, to go right pull the right rein, and to stop pull both reins.” As soon as the ranchlady walked away the horse started to violently whipping its head back and forth as if a scary thought terrorized its little horsey brain. While this was happening, there was a dog who frantically ran in circles around the horse, staring me directly in the eyes. This was my first indication that I was in for an interesting ride!

The Horsey Riding Experience

Contrary to ranchlady’s reassuring words, Red wasn’t under my control at all. I pulled its right reign and it galloped into the thorn bushes. I pulled its left reign and it galloped into the thorn bushes. I pulled both reigns and it galloped into the thorn bushes. I calmly spoke to it and it galloped into the thorn bushes. After all of my encounters with thorn bushes, my pants began to look like I washed it with 20 pairs of scissors and the blood that leaked out of my leg began to decorate a polka-dot design into my slacks. Regardless of what I did, this horse was trained to follow one route—the route to destruction.

I soon came to realize that my horse must have felt an extreme disdain for me because it shot “excrement” from between its legs when I aggressively pulled its reigns for my own safety. This disgusting act showed me that this horse meant business and, if desired, he could toss me off its back and impale my chest with its 1 horsepower “leg of destruction.” I decided that I should release the reigns and let Red go wherever he wanted at whatever speed he desired and I couldn’t do anything about it.

The Horsey Riding Experience

Happiness was no longer in the air and it was all thanks to the crazy mustang named Red. I learned the valuable lesson that I should never ride an animal whose name rhymes with shred, dread, fled, and most importantly DEAD.