Two months ago I was blessed with the opportunity to test drive a Tesla Model S—the world’s first mass-produced, fully electric supercar. Shortly after entering this phenomenal car and getting a brief walk through of the futuristic features, I put the vehicle in gear and silently drove onto the highway. Immediately, I had three stunning realizations: 1) This car is fast Â 2) This car is FAST 3) THIS CAR IS FAST!!
When I floored the accelerator, the car leaped from 0 to 60 miles an hour quicker than I could blink (under 3.9 seconds). Before I knew it, I was traveling at 80mph and the built-in speed limiter on the test drive vehicle ushered me to slow down. This was a euphoric experience so I repeatedly sped-up and slowed down until the 20 minute test drive was over.
My mind was blown and I’d fallen in love with a woman named “Tesla Model S”â€¦who manifested herself in the form of a carâ€¦a beautiful car with thousands of lithium-ion batteries sitting between her wheels. But then the after-effects of the test drive started to rear its ugly head and this newfound Tesla enthusiast wound up in the doctor’s office.
Whenever I stood, the entire world spun and I could barely stay balanced, so an emergency trip to the doctor was necessary for me to make it through life. A few quick tests led my doctor to diagnose me with “Benign Paroxysmal Positional Vertigo,” which happens when the crystals in your inner ear rapidly shift and breaks free into the inner ear. In other words, the rapid acceleration of the Tesla caused my ear crystals to send confusing messages about my body’s position to my brain. The doctor then instructed me to do “the Epley maneuver” until the dizziness went away.
Even though the Tesla Model S makes me sick, I’m willing to be dizzy every day of my life if it means that I can drive it everyday! So if you see me looking drunk coming out of a Tesla Model S, it’s not because of a flask filled with something strong…it’s because the car makes me SICK!