The Three Dollar Wash

As a result of all of the road salt that was brought on by “Snownami 2005,” I needed to get a car wash so that the color of my car would be distinguishable. Since there was still some salt on the road, I did not need a super deluxe wash so I pulled into a three dollar car wash, but I had no idea what my poor car was in for.

A Hispanic man, who was obviously the head of the car wash establishment, ferociously yelled at his worker in his spanglish dialect because the worker kept splashing soap into his eyes, while he held his hand out for the $3. I handed him the 3 $1 bills, then drove forward very slowly. All of a sudden, the car dropped down 5 or 6 inches and a loud bang was heard. The hispanic boss then yelled “ALL NEUTRAL, NO BRAKES!” and he flashed a devious smile. He was up to something.

The conveyer brought the car through the carwash and then at the other end there were 2 men to wipe the car dry. One man was not very tall and could not reach up to the roof the car. The other man was truly a gem—such a gem that he deserves his own paragraph.

Car Dryer # 2 had an attitude; he was mad at the world and he loved to let it show. Car Dryer # 2 did not take pride in his job and he performed his job not because he wanted to, but because he had no other options. Car Dryer # 2 had one arm. Car Dryer # 2 argued with himself as he wiped the car. When he was done wiping, he pointed* to the road, meaning “drive off”

When I finally parked, I got out of the car to see what a $3 car wash looked like and I noticed that the car had more salt on it than before. I have no idea how that’s possible, but I do know that I won’t ever waste my money on a $3 car wash, unless I want to be entertained by a miserable 1 armed 2nd string car dryer.

* When I say pointed, I mean “motioned with his shoulder.” He did not have an arm or a hand attached to that shoulder, so it was impossible to point.