Oysterrific Christmas Meal

Welcome to 2009…the future—the year when George Jetson, VP of Innovation of Spacely Space Sprockets, introduces the company’s first flying car. Looking back to 2008, I spent my last few weeks of the year in Trinidad, becoming a man.

After 4 years of yelling “I WANNA GO TO AMERICA” to the sky, my parents moved the family to America to enjoy the widely fabled streets of gold and money trees. Exactly 19 years after leaving Trinidad, the family returned for a week to spend Christmas with relatives and family friends.

Oyster Meal

The highlight of the entire trip was when we saw a street vendor selling oysters. My dad placed an order for a cup of oysters, which made me think that he wanted to harvest pearls to give to my mom for Christmas. Instead, he received a cup of booger-like oysters, swimming in a sea of vomit-like sauce. He paid the vendor the equivalent of $1 USD and he chugged the seemingly disgusting mixture. While I made fun of him for drinking the concoction that looked like cow dung and fingertips passed through a Cuisinart juicer, he said, “that was GOOD” and he ordered another cup. That’s when curiosity got the best of me and I said, “I’ll take one too, and make it hot!”

Wait… What?!?

Oyster Meal

I took the cup and stared at the mixture, which started to look like pigs eyeballs, drenched in watery barbecue sauce. Then I drank it…I drank ALL of it! To my surprise, it was not as disgusting as I thought it’d be. It was tangy and chunky and slimy and sweet and sour all at the same time.

I felt a tingling sensation in my body and that’s when it happened…I became a man. My voice dropped 6 octaves and my chest immediately grew dreadlocks. I ended my experience by using my deep, sub-woofer toned voice to announce to the world “GEREMY IS OFFICIALLY A MAN!”