“I’m on a Boat,” said Waldo

Central Park Boats

Recently I went to Central Park with a friend to row boats and calmly float around in the 130 degree weather. Although I’d never formally rowed a boat in real life before, I’ve seen people row at the Summer Olympics games and it seemed extremely easy. While watching the teams compete, I took notes on the procedure required in order to move the boat:

My Notes on Boat Rowing

When we got into the boat, all of my notes seemed like they didn’t apply to this situation. Somehow, rowing the boat seemed like an impossible task and regardless of how hard I rowed, I couldn’t seem to move the boat in the correct direction. Eventually I got a surge of energy and all of my muscles worked in harmony to allow me to steer the boat (which was a large 100ft oar-propelled yacht in my mind.)

After rowing for about 20 minutes we stopped to relax and that’s when I noticed a childhood friend who I’ve been trying to find for years…I saw Waldo and he was driving (steering? navigating?) a gondola! Just as I stared at Waldo, in awe of the celebrity who sailed in front of me, I noticed him take a gulp from a wine bottle that he had stashed away. At that moment, I cracked the age old mystery–Waldo keeps getting lost because he’s always drunk! For all of the naysayers, I’ve included a video for further proof:

Once I got a hang of the boat, the experience greatly improved and I wanted to row all day long. Since I’m so good at boat rowing now, I’m considering trying out for the US World Rowing Championship team and I think that I have a good chance of making it, as long as drunk Waldo steers completely clear of my boat!

Central Park Boats