Dear Man in Blue Dodge Durango with New York Plates,
Christmas was six days ago. Not one day ago, not four days ago. Six…just like that girl on the early-90’s hit TV show, “Blossom.” Since Christmas took place 6/7 of a week ago, there is no need to tote that brand new Christmas tree on your roof.
You probably thought that you could be slick and get the Christmas tree for 66% off if you got it 85.714% of a week later, but the effect isn’t the same. In case you were wondering, your kids weren’t crying because they didn’t get a robosapien toy, they were crying because they didn’t have a Christmas tree for Santa to put the gifts under on Christmas morning.
Would you like it if I gave you a birthday present six days after your birthday? Oh you would? Well your opinion doesn’t count because you buy Christmas trees 3/10 of a month AFTER Christmas!
You may be wondering why I’m being so harsh on you. It’s because when I drove parallel to your car on route 287 to give you the “have you no shame” look, you gave me a weird smirk like I was the one toting the post-Christmas tree on my roof.
So there you have it, Mr. “I buy Christmas trees 6 days after Christmas and strap them to the top of my Blue Dodge Durango with New York License Plates.” You know exactly what the guy in the gold Altima was thinking when he was attempting to look into your dark, procrastinating soul. I’ll probably see you in Times Square on January 6, 2006, as you wait for the ball to drop to celebrate the New Year.
With Warm Regards,