Miss Sterious on the Prowl

A week ago I was violated in a weird kind of way and I am finally comfortable enough to write about it.

It was a great Friday–the sun was out, birds were chirping and Geremy was happy, but he needed a Dunkin Donuts’ iced caramel latte with extra caramel to make him happier. When I entered Dunkin Donuts it was apparent that I was not the only person desiring an iced latte because the store had a long line of other people with a latte on their agenda.

I quietly stood in line and waited for my turn to place an order when I was hugged from behind by a mysterious person–let’s call her Miss Sterious. While Miss Serious embraced me, she loudly whispered into my right ear, “you look really nice in that pink shirt!” I responded, “thank you” and stepped forward to release myself from the uncomfortable touch of the unfamiliar woman. She continued by saying “…my husband refuses to wear pink shirts because those men follow him around.” I turned to fully look at the person who I was speaking to when I realized that Sterious is a middle-aged woman with a big smile and (I kid you not) TWO visible teeth. I smiled and stepped further forward while I thought “pleeeease hurry up!”

“Next person in line!”

I stepped forward, placed my order, and stepped to the side as they began to build my drink. Terious continued speaking with her outdoor voice, “…my husband walked into the Century 21 Department store and the men followed him around because of his pink shirt *laughs HEARTILY*. HE CAME HOME AND RIPPED OFF THE SHIRT! HE SAID, ‘BABE, I’M NOT WEARIN THAT THING NO MO’ *more hearty laughs*.” Seconds later, my drink was ready and I quickly walked away to escape from the conversation-trap of Miss Sterious.

I wouldn’t be surprised if she appeared at my house in the near future, wearing a pink shirt and laughing heartily as she screams “PUT THAT SWEET PINK SHIRT BACK ON!”

I have officially retired the pink shirt!