NEV Episode 1: New York, NY

Episode One of “Geremy’s Neverending Vacation,” takes place in the bustling city of New York.

I kicked off my NEV plan in New York in a beautiful hotel suite with a riverfront view. I checked into the hotel on Friday afternoon and after the initial shock of having such a nice room to myself, I sat in the living room area with a smile plastered to my face–like a happy little dolphin. After I realized that the world was mine for the taking I left the room and strutted down the hall like I was a man with a plan. But this man didn’t have a plan.

I was in search of an activity, so I went down to the hotel’s atrium and explored my options. Minutes later, I found myself at a theater, sprawled across three seats, laughing uncontrollably while watching a movie. (Sidenote: Sorry to all theater-goers who had to witness the travesty.) After the movie, I dragged myself upstairs and fell asleep with a ONE MILLION thread count sheet covering my body and seventy-five feather-filled pillows under my head. I had the sweetest sleep ever.

Early the next morning I woke up to have breakfast in the dining room. I grabbed myself a nice healthy meal of bacon fat with a side of Calories with a wonderfully refreshing cup of Cold Lard and I chose a table that was best suited for people-watching. While listening to my arteries harden I planned out my day, which began with me sitting near the river, reading the Wall Street Journal and relaxing my mind. As soon as I stepped outside, a gust of 0 kelvin wind came and froze my entire body. Reading by the river: CANCELLED!

I began to walk at a pace of about 35 miles/hr to generate enough kinetic energy to defrost my frozen body. Eventually, my legs took me to a beautiful condominium complex situated on the water. I asked the friendly woman at the front desk about the building and she went on to tell me about the great, innovative things that made the building unique. Immediately I was sold and decided that I needed to live there immediately. When I asked about the price of the smallest condo, she responded “the condos start at 1 million million dollars…” Immediately a look of horror too control of my face and I bolted out the front door as if she’d just flashed a gun at me. Sorry lady, I did’t understand your crazytalk.

Later in the day I met up with my friend and we began an adventure that would require several books to explain. Most notably, we went to the Museum of Modern art and were utterly confused as art connoisseurs closely observed the art contained in regular household items. For instance, the empty paper bag pictured above was admired by many for the ingenious way that the artist chose to convey his message. My reaction: if that’s art, then you should see all of the “art” that I put in my garbage can everyday!!

All-in-all I’d consider my 1st installment of my NEV to be a great start. What’s the next destination on the list? On ne sais pas exactement!