Shattered!  Ruined!!

Last week I suffered a tremendous loss that most people won’t be able to sympathize with. While walking into the house my beloved iPhone fell from my hand and onto the kitchen floor. As the device was airborne, the next few nanoseconds seemed to pass by in super-slow-motion as I recognized my beloved phone’s eminent doom.

I didn’t want to pick the phone up from the floor because I knew the surprise that was waiting for me. Eventually I mustered up the courage to retrieve it and one look at the screen confirmed my suspicion. My first thought was “oh no…it’s ruined” and I panicked for about five seconds. Then it dawned on me–a revelation so profound that I knew that I was among a slim minority of iPhone owners in the world to recognize this: It’s just a phone.

I continued life as normally I possibly could and scheduled an appointment at the Apple Store later that day. When I walked into the store, I decided that honesty was the best policy and I confessed my iSins to the Apple Genius. I said to him, “before I show you the phone I want to explain what happened. I walked into the house and my kung-fu grip failed me, which caused my phone to fall onto the kitchen floor and pulverize the screen.” I wanted to prepare him for the horribleness that he was going to see, but he seemed completely unfazed by it as he calmly replied, “ok, let’s get you a new one” and disappeared behind the magical Apple Store door.

I stood there completely dumbfounded, thinking “wait… what just happened?!”

Minutes later he returned with my new iPhone 4, which he took the liberty of activating for me. I signed sign a piece of paper and he sent me on my way.

This seemed too quick and simple. I didn’t even have to pay a penny as iPenance for my iSin! I stood there and said “so that’s it??” He said, “yes.” I replied, “so you’re sure that’s it? Nothing else?” “Yes…you’re all set.” “Whoa.” That’s when I decided to quickly leave with my shiny, new, activated iPhone before he changed his mind.

P.S: In commemoration of this interaction, I’m considering getting a tattoo of the Apple logo across my stomach with the words “Apple4Lyfe” on my arm.