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On This Day

I Revoke my Rite to Shop

I went to the grocery store Monday with my sister and I can honestly say that it was my worst experience all year. First of all, the place was packed—packed like 15 basketball players inside a Honda Civic DX. At one point, an old man stood in the middle of the aisle and yelled “WHAT ARE ALL YOU PEOPLE DOING HERE???”

Secondly, it seemed like everyone was in on a game of “hit the shin” with my shin as the target and their carts as weapons. Everyone, tall and short, young and old, able-bodied and disabled, recklessly ran into me with their cart. There were even a few head-on collisions that would’ve been fatal if cars were involved. I guess that when you’re focusing on saving $.29 on a can of tuna, you can’t be bothered with steering your cart out of the way of others.

Finally, why must each shelf have 200 different varieties of a product, each with a different price. How should I know which syrup to buy? Three different brands of syrups, 5 different varieties, all the same type of bottle, but different prices. They all taste the same, so why not consolidate the inventory into one generic product?? All of these different options complicate life and add unneeded stress to food shopping.

I think that someone should invent the drive through supermarket. You pull up to the speaker and place your order, then pull up to window 2 to pay, then get your things at window three. That way, you won’t have to worry about different varieties, old men yelling down aisles and best of all NO SHIN DAMAGE!

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